SUPER BUST: Nine reasons to shut off the TV & reclaim Super Sunday

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Successful people learn to say no.  They recognize their time is a finite commodity and invest it accordingly.   The worst Super Bowl matchup in history presents a great opportunity for you to follow their lead.

Nine reasons these teams and this league don’t deserve your support.

The Seahawks are patent trolls
Not since Al Gore bragged about inventing the internet has such a tenuous line of attribution been fabricated.  First the Seahawks claimed that they invented the “12th man”.  This proved to be a croc —Texas A&M owns it and now charges them a usage fee.  And this week it was announced that they filed papers trying to claim legal ownership of the phrase “go hawks”.   This is a slap in the face to all Iowans.  This is ours!  Not that we’ve been able to proudly exclaim it lately, but so what.  Boycott.

Roger’s gotta learn
To watch the game means to further line the pockets of a commish who already makes $44 million a year, but has no accountability to anyone.  Player health, domestic abuse, deflated footballs, criminal players, there is really no issue he can’t stonewall.  A CEO who hides from us deserves fans who hide from his product. Until they fire the empty suit, we should fire their product.

Win at all costs is no way to live
The Patriots are cheaters.  Past performance does predict future results.  You know these two incidents are likely only the beginning.  Can you imagine what they might have done over the years and gotten away with already?  It will all come out some day.

My money is on Gronk being a cyborg.

gronk
Cyborg Gronk. Not a huge stretch as you can already clearly see his mechanical arm.

Seahawk tradition
In a word, there is none.

This team is younger than any fan that can afford a ticket to watch them play.  This teenager of a franchise started in 1976 and yet has already flipped from AFC to NFC and re-engineered its color scheme 10 times.  Nice legacy. What are the official colors anyway? Green?  Neon?  Desperation?   All of this tweaking of tones has netted nothing, their current jerseys look like they were designed by Liberace on acid.  With these jerseys they’d be laughed off the field in the Arena League– which is exactly where this team belongs.

You are older than Bieber
Pop music pixie Katy Perry will be the lead act for halftime on Sunday and will be “joined by“ Lenny Kravitz.  Who set this lineup?  How is Lenny an also-ran and not a headliner?  That is an insult to anyone over 12 years old.  I have news for the NFL, none of the pre-pubescent crowd that cares about Katy has the attention span to make it past the first quarter to actually see her perform.  Total NFaiL.

Good old fashioned envy
Brady is a good-looking athletic multimillionaire who happens to be married to a supermodel.  I’m not a big fan of the class warfare that has arisen these past few years but this guy is clearly in the 1%…. OF EVERYTHING.  Forget him.

The Seahawk stars are sketch
This Seahawks squad includes a running back who celebrates TDs via crotch-grab and an obnoxious self-promoting braggart cornerback who belittles his foes.  What are they modeling to our kids? Russell Wilson may seem like a class act, but so did Cosby.

Belichick seems angry but repressed
It’s clear that Bill has anger management issues, but his press conferences are so controlled and Pollyanna lately that it is troubling.  I prefer not to enable this repression of his true feelings.  Maybe a little less attention and some poor Super Bowl ratings will get him out of his shell.  Coaching rants are half of the fun of the NFL.  He’s denying us our birthright. Scream angry little man, scream!

The venue is fake
University of Phoenix Stadium, the site of this year’s game is a monument to a virtual school.  Virtual means fake.  If you “went” there, you got duped.  Putting that school on your resume tells a prospective employer all he needs to know about you as a candidate.  Harsh but true.  On the bright side, if you did attend (whatever that means) you can claim Lil Wayne and Shaq as fellow alums.  Look for them at the virtual tailgates… hammering cyber beers and eBrats.

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Posted by

Christian. Father. Hawkeye. Pursuing truth... frequently in a minivan.

3 thoughts on “SUPER BUST: Nine reasons to shut off the TV & reclaim Super Sunday

  1. Zorn? Largent? C’mon man the Seahawks have history. The Seahawks were Ricky Hoots favorite team in 6th grade.

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